


the adventures of simp nation or something.

by orphan_account



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bisexual Character, Chaotic Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Crack Fic, Demisexual Character, Dream and Techno are Childhood Best Friends, Duck Hybrid Alexis | Quackity, Enderman Hybrid Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Eret and Fundy are Best Friends, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Goat Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Good Friend Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Alexis | Quackity, Hybrid Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, M/M, Multiple Pronouns for Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Nobody is Human, Not Normal AU, Pansexual Character, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Polyamorous relationship, Quackity Forces Dream to Play Random Video Games, Ranboo Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Sheep Hybrid Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Technoblade and Wilbur are twins, Tommy and Tubbo are best friends, demisexual!technoblade, dream and ranboo are siblings, pansexual!dream, puffy is dream's mom, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: [pissbaby added 20 people to simp nation]pissbaby: sup fuckers.-another text fic to add to the mix because i wanted to hop on the bandwagon.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Clay | Dream, Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Dave | Technoblade, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Eret & Floris | Fundy, George | Spifey/Harvey | TapL, Jacob | Zelk/MegaPVP (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 26
Kudos: 758





	1. pissbaby: i just drank two gallons of milk in under half an hour.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello! i know text fics are a bit outdated but i've seen some being made recently and i decided to give it a shot! i'm a bit new to this style of writing though so please tell me if there's anything i could do to be better at this!
> 
> here's a little who's who list thing:  
> pissbaby: dream  
> samsung refrigerator: sapnap  
> gogy: george  
> honk karl: karl  
> ph1lza minecraft: ph1lza  
> woolbur: wilbur soot  
> niki!: niki  
> TOMMY: tommy  
> bees!: tubbo  
> fox kinnie: fundy  
> your local bicon: eret  
> the businessman: jschlatt  
> technopig: technoblade  
> skep: skeppy  
> quackboyhalo: bad  
> spooffyy: spifey  
> tapple: tapl  
> toes.: vurb  
> rose: f1nn5ter  
> zelk!: zelk  
> mega: megapvp

**[pissbaby** added **samsung refrigerator, gogy, honk karl, ph1lza minecraft, woolbur, niki!, TOMMY, bees!, fox kinnie, your local bicon, the businessman, technopig, skep, quackboyhalo, spooffyy, tapple, toes., rose, zelk!, and mega** to **simp nation]**

**pissbaby:** sup fuckers.

 **quackboyhalo:** language!

 **pissbaby:** :/

 **technopig:** i will strangle every last one of you with my bare hands.

 **pissbaby:** awe, ily2 techno

 **technopig:** disgusting.

 **pissbaby:** ouch... :/

 **bees!:** hi dream! :D

 **pissbaby:** good morning tubbo!

 **your local bicon:** it’s literally 3 pm dream.

 **pissbaby:** time is a construct.

 **your local bicon:** .

 **your local bicon:** you know what.

 **your local bicon:** fair.

 **bees!:** how are you doing dream?

 **pissbaby:** i just drank two gallons of milk in under half an hour.

 **pissbaby:** now my bones are at their full potential being maxed out with calcium.

 **pissbaby:** god himself trembles!

 **bees!:** i don’t think that's how that works but it sounds like you're doing great!

 **gogy:** no it sounds like he’s both going insane and dying simultaneously.

 **gogy:** i’m calling an ambulance.

 **samsung refrigerator:** wait no i want to see him try to fight god first.

 **pissbaby:** i will undoubtedly win!

 **gogy:** .

 **gogy:** why do i even try.

**4:30 pm**

**gogy:** dream where the fuck are you.

 **quackboyhalo:** language!

 **pissbaby:** ok bad we get it you don’t like swearing.

 **quackboyhalo:** dream… T^T

 **skep:** dreqn yiu mafe bad cru! swy ur soeri.

 **pissbaby:** simp.

 **pissbaby:** also i didn’t even say anything mean :|

 **skep:** [screenshot.png]

 **skep:** thia u?

 **pissbaby:** .

 **pissbaby:** fine.

 **pissbaby:** bad, i’m sorry for hurting your feelings.

 **pissbaby:** even though i didn’t intend to.

 **quackboyhalo:** :D i accept your apology dream!

 **skep:** tht wamt so haed wad ot?

 **pissbaby:** simp.

 **samsung refrigerator:** simp.

 **honk karl:** simp.

 **your local bicon:** simp

 **fox kinnie:** simp.

 **gogy:** dream.

 **pissbaby:** yea?

 **gogy:** where are you?

 **pissbaby:** the fourth dimension.

 **gogy:** wh-

 **gogy:** istg if you’re on the roof i’m gonna hire techno to assassinate you.

 **technopig:** i’ll do it for free if you want.

 **pissbaby:** no, don’t send techno

 **pissbaby:** send something challenging

 **technopig:** why does it feel like you're implying i’m not a good enough opponent.

 **pissbaby:** because it would be so easy to kill you

 **pissbaby:** the only form of fighting you know is sword-fighting/fencing :/

 **technopig:** bet.

 **pissbaby:** .

 **pissbaby:** FINE

 **pissbaby:** meet you on my roof at 5:00 am tomorrow

 **technopig:** alright! meet you on the roof.

 **gogy:** oh god.

 **samsung refrigerator:** wait, can i watch?

 **honk karl:** i want to watch too!

 **TOMMY:** I ALSO WANT TO WATCH THIS DUEL!

 **bees!:** i do too!

 **p1lza minecraft:** tommy, tubbo, you can’t watch the duel.

 **bees!:** what?? why not?? D:

 **ph1lza minecraft:** the duel is taking place at a time where it’s way too early for you two to be up and around.

 **technopig:** dw dad they can watch it i can bring them.

 **ph1lza minecraft:** …

 **ph1lza minecraft:** only if eret agrees to watch after them while you and dream are fighting.

 **your local bicon:** dw i can take care of the children.

 **fox kinnie:** if it makes you feel any better i will look after the children too.

 **TOMMY:** I’M NOT A CHILD. FUCK YOU.

 **quackboyhalo:** tommy!! language!

 **TOMMY:** GET OUT OF HERE BADBOYHALO.

 **zelk!:** mega and i will also be watching the duel!

 **mega:** i didn’t ask you to speak for me.

 **zelk!:** i was just saying…

 **mega:** no. die.

 **zelk!:** :(

 **pissbaby:** mega be nicer to your boyfriend.

 **mega:** i hope you lose the duel tomorrow.

 **pissbaby:** :| well then… 

**6:00 pm**

**gogy:** dream istg i’ll give you anything if you come back inside right now.

 **pissbaby:** anything? :D

 **gogy:** …

 **gogy:** depends on what you want.

 **pissbaby:** how about you tell me you love me? :D

 **gogy:** ew no i’d rather die.

 **pissbaby:** D:

 **your local bicon:** damn.

 **your local bicon:** i could feel dream’s utter despair from a mile away rn

 **pissbaby:** my day has been ruined by just one five-word sentence.

 **gogy:** dream i’ll give you cookies if you come inside.

 **bees!:** dream you can’t turn down cookies!

 **pissbaby:** i don’t think i’ll even be able to accept cookies after you’ve wounded me like that george…

 **gogy:** it’s really not that big of a deal dream.

 **pissbaby:** :(

 **gogy:** ok you know what if you win the duel i’ll tell you that i love you.

 **gogy:** but right now all i can offer to you is cookies.

 **pissbaby:** :D really?

 **gogy:** yes.

 **technopig:** dang now i want dream to win just so george has to be forced to tell him he loves him.

 **gogy:** oh god i regret this already.


	2. your local bicon: istg if you guys start the duel without us i will kick someone in the dick.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dream and techno duel

**4:30 am**

**techno:** omw.

**pissbaby:** thank god i’ve been waiting for the past hour.

**your local bicon:** .

**your local bicon:** i’m not even going to ask.

**your local bicon:** also phil, is it a good time to come pick up tommy and tubbo?

**p1lza minecraft:** please they’ve been bothering me for the past hour.

**your local bicon:** .

**fox kinnie:** i’m kinda regretting agreeing to look after them already.

**your local bicon:** too late you already agreed to it.

**fox kinnie:** oh no.

**your local bicon:** we’re on our way :)

+

“Eret, please, they’re the worst I don’t want to have to deal with them, Tommy and Tubbo are an absolute nightmare,” Fundy begged as Eret literally dragged him to the Sleepy Bois house, “You can get someone else to take look after them with you,”

“I don’t think anyone else would agree to look after them with me,” Eret responded as he dragged Fundy down the road by his wrist, “Also, you were the one who agreed to it in the first place.”

“But I changed my mind!” Fundy fought back as he started to try and escape Eret’s grasp.

Eret tightened his grip on Fundy, chuckling before saying, “Struggling will get you nowhere.”

“What a way to sound creepy without context,” Fundy muttered, but he stopped struggling.

“Aha!” Eret stopped when she and Fundy reached the ever so familiar house that they had both been to so many times, “Here we are.”

“Eret please,” Fundy begged again, hoping that maybe Eret would change his mind, “They’re going to end up driving me insane with their antics.”

“They’re not that bad, Fundy,” Eret replied, as they walked up to the front door, “You know what, you help me look after the children, and I won’t call you a furry for two months, deal?”

Fundy perked up, he had been trying to get everyone in the groupchat to stop calling him a furry for at least a year, getting Eret to stop was good enough for him at this point, “Really?”

“Really.”

“Deal!”

Eret chuckled again, ringing the doorbell, there was a slight pause and the sounds of someone running to the door as if they were being chased by a bear. Fundy glanced at Eret worriedly, hoping that he won’t end up regretting making this deal. Then the door opened, and a very tired Ph1lza greeted them.

“Oh thank god you two are here, Tommy and Tubbo have been asking how close you are.” Phil sighed, turning to see the two 16 year olds running to the door.

“Eret!” Tubbo yelled happily, running up and hugging her quickly before turning to hug Fundy, “Fundy! We’ve been waiting for you two!”

“Well, we’re here now,” Eret said, “Philza will finally have a break from you two.”

“Yeah…” Philza laughed at Eret’s comment, “Well, you two good to go?”

“HELL YEAH, BIG MAN!” Tommy said loudly, already walking down the street, “SEE YOU AFTER DREAM LOSES.”

“Yeah! See you dad!” Tubbo chirped before following Tommy.

“Well they’re excited,” Philza sighed, “Good luck taking care of them, you two.” He said before closing the door.

“Thanks, we’ll need it,” Fundy responded to a closed door.

“Yeah… I’m starting to regret this… ” Eret finally said after a moment as he started walking down the street.

“NOW you’re starting to regret this?!”

+

**TOMMY:** SPEED UP YOU TWO

**your local bicon:** fundy’s too scared to be within a foot of you and he wants company while he walks so i’m staying with him.

**TOMMY:** HA HA THE FURRY IS SCARED

**fox kinnie:** I’M NOT A FUCKISHFS FURBSHJM

**your local bicon:** i think you broke him.

**tapple:** you guys better speed up the duel is about to start.

**gogy:** yeah, uh speaking of the duel

**gogy:** can it not take place on the roof ?

**pissbaby:** no it needs to take place on the roof.

**gogy:** why?

**pissbaby:** because that means i get a chance to throw techno off the roof at some point.

+

George sighed and looked on the roof of the house he shared with Dream, Sapnap, and Karl, Dream and Techno sat there, talking to each other about God knows what. They could be talking about anything spanning from how to dye their hair the quickest to the best way to tourture orphans.

George sighed again and looked back at his phone, which was booming with notifications from Eret, who was saying that she, Fundy, and Tommy and Tubbo are about a block away.

+

**your local bicon:** istg if you guys start the duel without us i will kick someone in the dick.

**fox kinnie:** he’s wearing his platform boots rn so it’s a solid threat if i’ve ever seen one, y'all better wait if you don’t want your balls busted

**your local bicon:** you bet your ass i’m wearing my platform boots. i want to go out in style✨

**5:00 am**

**pissbaby:** we be starting

**the businessman:** fuck yeah, kick his ass techno.

**technopig:** dream i’m terribly sorry for the loss you’re about to face.

**pissbaby:** try me.

**bees!:** i hope both of you have fun! !! i can’t really pick a side because you’re both my friends so i just hope you both have fun :D

**pissbaby:** awe, thank you tubbo.

**technopig:** thanks tubbo

**bees!:** your welcome!

**6:00 am**

**gogy:** wtf they’ve been fighting for an hour.

**honk karl:** DID DREAM JUST B I T E TECHNO ?!

**samsung refrigerator:** techno is going to have to check for rabies later if what i saw happen really just happened.

**bees!:** i don’t think biting is sanitary dream shouldn’t have done that he could seriously hurt techno D:

**TOMMY:** DREAM WTF

**fox kinnie:** that was lowkey kinky but whatever.

**your local bicon:** ^^^^

**tapple:** ^^^^

**zelk!:** ^^^^

**pissbaby:** WJHAT TJE FUCJ

**your local bicon:** lmao

**your local bicon:** dream this is supposed to be a duel not some sort of orgy.

**pissbaby:** shuy tje fuvk uo

**gogy:** dream stop texting while fighting techno

**pissbaby:** mo

**6:30 am**

**zelk!:** HE HAS A DAGGER? ??

**gogy:** yeah he keeps multiple weapons on him when he goes outside.

**gogy:** i think he keeps some on him while even in the house.

**TOMMY:** THIS ISN’T FAIR NOW DREAM HAS A WEPON

**gogy:** weapon*

**samsung refrigerator:** stfu george, it’s just a typo

**samsung refrigerator:** also it’s techno’s fault for not bringing a weapon of his own.

**your local bicon:** i’m not gonna be surprised when techno pulls out his own weapon tbh

**6:41 am**

**fox kinnie:** did dream just b a c k f l i p off the roof or did i not get enough sleep last night?

**your local bicon:** probably both.

**samsung refrigerator:** in all the years i knew dream

**samsung refrigerator:** he NEVER told me he could do shit like that.

**gogy:** he literally backflipped of a cliff once during manhunt

**gogy:** were you not there to see it or are you dumb

**quackboyhalo:** he did A LOT of weird stunts in manhunt

**quackboyhalo:** it was crazy @-@

**quackboyhalo:** also guys we can just talk instead of texting ._.

**tapple:** the only reason we’re texting instead of talking is because tommy will start yelling and nobody wants that.

**your local bicon:** ^^^^

**gogy:** ^^^^

**samsung refrigerator:** ^^^^

**fox kinnie:** ^^^^

**pissbaby:** ^^^^

**zelk!:** ^^^^

**gogy:** dream aren’t you supposed to be doing something

**pissbaby:** fuvk

**6:50 am**

**technopig:** what.

**pissbaby:** idk i got bored.

**pissbaby:** also i SAID i was gonna throw you off the roof.

**fox kinnie:** i want to say dream won but it looks like a draw.

**technopig:** it’s a draw.

**pissbaby:** i threw you off the roof into a rosebush i’m pretty sure i won that.

**technopig:** brruuuhhhhhh

**your local bicon:** i HEARD that wtf.

**gogy:** ^^^^

**samsung refrigerator:** ^^^^

**fox kinnie:** ^^^^

**pissbaby:** ^^^^

**zelk!:** ^^^^

**tapple:** ^^^^

**woolbur:** ^^^^

**niki!:** ^^^^

**TOMMY:** ^^^^

**bees!:** ^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being not updating for a few months :(


	3. ME GUSTA: “her vibes are off.” -dream 2k21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quackity forces dream to play danganronpa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyhey sorry for being dead

**10:10 am**

**pissbaby:** holy shit i just remembered who i forgot to add.

**pissbaby** added  **ME GUSTA** and **ranboob** to  **simp nation**

**ME GUSTA:** nice to know you remember me dreamie ;)

**pissbaby:** now i remember why i didn’t add him

**ME GUSTA:** HSDGJADGHNHDG

**ME GUSTA:** WOOOOW, DREAM, I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICEE

**gogy:** horribly inaccurate deduction.

**ME GUSTA:** EYYYYYYY GEORGE

**gogy:** i’m so close to blocking you.

**ME GUSTA:** is it because i’m mexican? ??

**pissbaby:** OH MY FUCKING GODJSM-

**pissbaby:** I’M GONNA JUMP OFF A R EA L LY TALL BUILDING IF I HAVE TO INTERACT WITH THIS FUCKER-

**ME GUSTA:** wait i have an idea

**ME GUSTA** changed 4 nicknames

**nagito komaeda kinnie:** what the fuck

**nagito komaeda kinnie:** who the fuck is nagito komaeda.

**ME GUSTA:** W WHAT TT??

**ME GUSTA:** i know what i’m doing for my next stream.

**nagito komaeda kinnie:** what.

**ME GUSTA:** YOU. MY FACELESS FRIEND, ARE PLAYING DANGANRONPA.

**nagito komaeda kinnie:** oh i’ve actually heard of danganronpa.

**KARLOS:** wait can i join ?

**KARLOS:** also i can do you one better.

**KARLOS** changed 1 nickname

**byakuya togami kinnie:** :/

**ME GUSTA:** MHVAMHDGMW THIS IS BETTER I AGREE.

**KARLOS:** ANY TRUERS ? ??

**byakuya togami kinnie:** i suddenly want to leave to get away from you guys

**KARLOS:** ONLY PROVES OUR POINT.

**your local bicon:** idk nagito seems more accurate

**byakuya togami kinnie:** please eret explain

**your local bicon:** well, even though you can be similar to togami in the sense that you’re both rich white dudes that tend to treat death as a game. you have the same personality as nagito, and you both tend to be overly positive in what are usually really negative situations also you put other people in front of yourself.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** what.

**your local bicon:** just based on what i observe.

**your local bicon:** oh also you’re both freakishly lucky. /hj /lh

**byakuya togami kinnie:** wh-

**byakuya togami kinnie:** i-

**KARLOS:** n e ways-

**KARLOS:** you want to play now ?

**byakuya togami kinnie:** sure

**your local bicon:** can i join?

**ME GUSTA:** sure lol

**10:40 am**

**byakuya togami kinnie:** sayaka can get hit by a truck and i wouldn’t care.

**ME GUSTA:** DUDE-

**your local bicon:** WHAT WHY ?

**byakuya togami kinnie:** her vibes are off.

**ME GUSTA:** JHBFSJHDMAHAHAHHSBHDS

**ME GUSTA:** “her vibes are off.” -dream 2k21

**byakuya togami kinnie:** he looks like one of those girls who thinks she’s ‘different than the rest’

**byakuya togami kinnie:** when in reality she’s just a basic bitch

**KARLOS:** TRUUUUEEEE ANY TRUERS

**11:30 am**

**byakuya togami kinnie:** oh thank fucking god she was starting to annoy me.

**ME GUSTA:** SHE JUST FUCKING DIED ?? ?

**byakuya togami kinnie:** yes and ?

**byakuya togami kinnie:** also i don’t see why you guys call me a togami kinnie

**byakuya togami kinnie:** like i get it we’re both rich white dudes but what else do we have in common.

**KARLOS:** you’ll see.

**12:00 pm**

**byakuya togami kinnie:** ha

**byakuya togami kinnie:** balls

**ME GUSTA:** why am i not surprised that this is your reaction to the first execution.

**KARLOS:** someone: is getting fucking tortured to death

dream: heehoo funny joke time

**technopig:** dream i’m watching the stream and half of it is just you going: “the mc is hot i’d totally dick him down”

**byakuya togami kinnie:** ALL I DID WAS CALL HIM A TWINK

**technopig:** my point still stands

**byakuya togami kinnie:** ALSO, ISN’T HE A MINOR??

**your local bicon:** no everyone is of legal age

**byakuya togami kinnie:** HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY IN HIGHSCHOOL THEN??

**byakuya togami kinnie:** WAIT.

**your local bicon:** oops

**12:20 pm**

**byakuya togami kinnie:** wait no techno might have a point.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** makoto naegi is a totally fuckable character, ,,

**ME GUSTA:** W WHA ATT T TH HE E FU UCK K

**technopig:** knew it.

**1:30 pm**

**byakuya togami kinnie:** is that what you meant when you changed my nickname? ?? cause damn that’s totally something i’d do.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** except i wouldn’t get fucking caught.

**technopig:** no you totally would.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** i refuse to listen to someone who basically told me i’m a simp for a fictional character

**technopig:** i was right though.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** shut-

**byakuya togami kinnie:** you know what

**byakuya togami kinnie** muted 1 person for 30 minutes

**2:00 pm**

**byakuya togami kinnie:** ✨you spin me right round baby right round like a record player right round right round✨

**KARLOS:** NOT YOU TEXTING THAT TO THE CHAT DURING MONDO’S EXECUTION NOOOO

**10:40 pm**

**byakuya togami kinnie:** ok but i still don’t know who the fuck nagito is.

**ME GUSTA:** oh he’s in the second game.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** S SECCO N NDD D ?

**ME GUSTA:** oh it’s also implied the the first two games are actually a part of a tv show series in the third game’s universe.

**ME GUSTA:** in that universe there’s 53 ‘seasons’. making the first two games the first two seasons, and the anime being the third season. the third game is the 53rd season, which is why it’s called v3.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** IT HAS A FUCKING ANIME ADAPTATION ?

**ME GUSTA:** oh yeah there’s an anime. it has an animated version of the first game and a sort of prequel to the first and second game along with what happened after the first.

**byakuya togami kinnie:** ww wh at t he ee fu uc k k

**KARLOS:** so,, who’s your favorite character ?

**byakuya togami kinnie:** oh easy

**byakuya togami kinnie:** ishimaru

**KARLOS:** ?? YOU NEVER SPOKE A WORD ABOUT HIM DURING THE STREAM ??

**byakuya togami kinnie:** BUT I DID ALL HIS FREE TIME EVENTS ?? WHATDOYOUWANTFROMME

**byakuya togami kinnie:** also togami and naegi totally fuck off camera

**KARLOS:** wh-

**ME GUSTA:** OH

**KARLOS:** THAT WAS SO UNPROMPTED-

**ranboob** changed 1 nickname

**nagito komaeda kinnie:** .

**nagito komaeda kinnie:** great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i don't even know what i'm doing anymore


End file.
